The summary:

Well, first you want to check out the photos, here.

Kazha's first experience traveling with us was fun. The first morning there, she encountered her first deer, who then, promptly, decided to encounter her. Yep, the deer followed her through the backyard of my parents' house, as Dave and I watched, very carefully. Kazha then wandered through a gap in the fence to the alley. Wanting to make sure she didn't get too far, I skirted around the observing deer one way, Dave another, and we cornered the dog. As she tried to escape us by dashing back into the yard, she startled the deer, who then bounded backwards and back over the fence. It was rather surprising and funny! We then observed that there were three deer hanging out in the yard. Perhaps the same three that were fawns last year?

Anyway, we wandered around town the first day, just enjoying the view and the relaxation. I got a lot of knitting done that day, and Dave started a new Tony Hillerman book. Mom and Dad read and relaxed, too. We had a nice gazpacho for lunch that my mom made. Yummy! Then we went to Nanda Ghan's, a great local restaurant I'd recommend to anyone, for dinner. After that, we took a great long walk, which is where all the sunset photos came from. This is one of my favorites--the East Spanish Peak with the last rays of pink light on it, and the moon shining above...



The next day, on the 4th, Dave and I went for a hike at Blue and Bear Lakes... a little too crowded for our taste, but storm clouds threatened, so we really couldn't go anywhere farther. Still, I got some nice photos of flowers and Kazha on the trail.





And that gave us enough time to get back into town and go to Art in the Park for the afternoon. That's after my mom and dad went to the Cuchara parade. So we wandered, and we found this artist, R. Wade Brown. He had a wonderful piece we couldn't resist... stark white background with a petroglyph looking bison hunt image on it. Beautiful enough that we couldn't resist it. We're working on paying him in installments over the summer to purchase the piece. Hooray for layaway! Another artist there was Barbara Kowalik, who makes shields. She says the symbols are common ones, but she learns the common meanings and then interprets them herself in her works. Take a look at the bottom right of this page to see one, which is one of Dave's favorites. We'd each like to have one that represents each of us, someday. Carla Romero is another painter with works we would love to have someday... when we have a lot of room and more money. :) But admire her work, because it's very striking.

So then, on Saturday night we had barbecued ribs with my dad's homemade sauce (yum!) and baked potatoes and corn. And then everyone was exhausted, so Mom and Pop went to bed early and Dave and I stayed up to read, knit, and chat in a hush. Kazha was not thrilled with the fireworks, but she did okay, considering we didn't have her rescue remedy with us.

Sunday was a nice egg breakfast and then another long walk, this time up through the golf course. That's where I got the lovely bright daylight photos of the Spanish Peaks--Wahatoya. Seeing the clouds roiling over the peaks brought to mind the concept that local NDN tribes had that all weather for the whole world originated with the peaks. The lifeblood of the plains in the area comes from the clouds that have their start over those mountains. It's awestriking. Heh.



We bought our artwork on Sunday before having a last serving of gazpacho and a sandwich and heading back to Denver. A little bit north of Walsenburg, we ran into one of the worst storms I've encountered--and the worst one I've ever had to drive through. We had to pull over while the nearly golf-ball size hail pounded our car while lightning flashed around. The hail was strong enough that we couldn't hear thunder. We saw a few motorcyclists huddling in the high grass as we were able to start off again. We later learned that many bikers found shelter in the cars of other generous people. We'd have done the same if they'd been anywhere near us when we stopped. That hail had to hurt...

When we finally got going again, we encountered a serious accident, with one car that had flipped over, with the top crushed. Everyone else seemed okay, but we know people were trapped in that car. We saw one person's foot near a window, moving. Our prayers went and go out to those people in hopes that they are alright. Many had stopped to help, and we didn't want to be excessive help that would likely hinder, so we kept on. One of those who stopped was a truck driver, so we feel certain he probably radioed the accident in, while several others were directing traffic and trying to comfort those who were trapped. Still, I wish I could find news of the accident to know if the people are okay. I can't find any word...

We traveled on, going through two more storms that seemed much less intimidating, and finally got home to safety with a slightly spooked dog, arriving to find a cat desperate for attention. And, well, that's pretty much it. Nice break. Not long enough, but certainly nice.

Blessings to all our loved ones and anyone else who stumbles here--hope your weekend was as nice, whether or not you had a holiday to celebrate.

Peace

Just a taste of what's coming...



Peace

So, I changed my LiveJournal theme, as you can see, to one of the new green themes they built. I was having fun building my own themes on top of the one I had before, but I decided I want to be green for a while, reflecting some new things in my life and some new goals I'm setting.

It's summer, first of all, and for the first time in a long time, Colorado is more green than brown. We've had a lot of rain (odd rain for our state though... it's felt more midwestern than Rocky Mountain) and the plants we thought might suffer from the long cold we had in spring have held out and burst forth. Green seems the color of that moment, certainly.

Green is for the Iranian people, too, who are trying to determine their destiny apart from what their leaders might tell them they want. Simply the act of wearing green has gotten professional soccer players banned from the game for life in their country. It's gotten 17-year-old students arrested and beaten. It has gotten people killed. In solidarity with them, green is the color of that moment, too.

When a plant greens, puts forth buds, and flowers (or spores, or cones, or whatever it happens to do for itself to reproduce), it is signaling hope for a future. It's working toward becoming something new. For my part? With the continued downward spiral I've had at work, and that I'm watching my coworkers go through, I am greening in that way, myself. I'm tired of this world, and these petty politics, and this exhausting battle for executive/managerial supremacy that makes life miserable for the people who work under it. I'm done.

So I'm growing up--and out. Looking for new life, working on new paths toward my ever present goals, I'm going to start working with a voice teacher, go to more auditions, and get the roles that pay and that will move me steadily toward the career I've always really wanted. I'm not even going to say yet that it might not work, because I need to focus on making it happen. I'm going to flower forth and bear fruit and make life a little greener.

In the meantime, I will keep working on my other crafts--writing and knitting and gardening and whatever keeps my brain alive and processing new things every day. To that end, tonight will be my first time attending the Raven Dancers meeting. I hope to learn to jingle dance or perhaps traditional dance, as Dave is learning to drum and sing. And perhaps I can learn beading as well, to make my own moccasins, to make my own deerskin dress... whatever. I am looking forward to immersion in new learning. And I hope to gain a wider view, a deeper understanding, and... well, more connection outside myself. Truly, a greening of the soul.

So, here's to green. May it always grow.

Peace

I don't care if Ken Salazar did go to my alma mater. He's officially off my "hoping for the best" list.

He had already started to suck a few weeks ago when it was announced, and a few days ago when it happened: he went against last year's court decision and removed the gray wolf from the endangered species list.

If that hadn't been enough to get him on my gustatory waste list (which it was), this is.

He's dirt. He's worse than dirt. He's the bacterial infestation of worm excrement.

Such comes of selecting a rancher for Secretary of the Interior... er, INFERIOR. Grr.

Not much peace, at present.

Tra la!

The avatar is one of the two peaks of Wahatoya, the Breasts of the Earth. It's appropriate because of the way my May Day has been going. :)

Well, this morning, perhaps not so much. We drove up to Longmont for brunch with Dave's family for his mom's birthday. Nice simple Colorado small town diner brunch. A nice way to start the day.

Then I came home, and Dave took off for a rehearsal for a performance his big choir has tomorrow. One I won't be attending because I will be at my own rehearsal tomorrow (and rehearsals for Princess Ida are going pretty well...). Did a little springish cleaning, walked the poochy under moody gray May skies... it was very nice.

But Dave rushed home this afternoon, because there was a craft fair and food at the Christian Indian Center in Denver, and we have heard that they make the best fry bread in town. We had to give it a try.

We both had mutton stew with corn and squash and a big piece of fry bread. The stew was wonderful! The steamed corn was still just a little chewy, and with the bone still in the mutton, it was a very flavorful stew! We sat for a while talking with a woman named Cecily who had also heard about the food and dropped by for an Indian taco. As we chatted, she told us she had looked at the jewelry booths (just two small booths) and saw an interesting type of jewelry. Dave and I went and looked, and talked to the seller, and Cecily was right... it's really neat. The seller said it's something she had to get from the artist because it was so unique. I had to agree with the seller, and Dave said it was too good a deal to pass up, so we bought it...



 

It's not just a nice set. I'm looking at it a bit as my "May Day reminder"--a symbol of a new beginning, hope for the coming summer and for rich, fruitful growth. I intend to wear it often, and to wear red often with it.

Tonight, I'll be doing two things to mark the day... neither of which is unique to the day, but both of which will invoke a spiritual, creative and productive aspect.

I'm going to play my Crow Mother flute. It's been a while since I've done so regularly, since my shoulder was hurting. But tonight I have to. It's needed, not only because I should be playing it every day for grounding and practice and connection and all, but because as we were leaving the CIC tonight, there was a crow perched on the top spire of the little church, calling out to us. It just fits. What a nice, meaningful moment.

I'll also be continuing work on the blanket, which is now taking shape.

You can see the actual color better here, with the flash...



But in this one, which I took without the flash, you can see the pattern a little better...



I have a long way to go, but at this point it's exciting to see the pattern of the first set of "vases" beginning to emerge. I'm working on knitting the whole blanket in once piece, to symbolize the unity it represents. But it's going to be interesting to see how well that goes as it continues getting bigger...

Here's a fun bit to leave you with, though... Of course, as I was taking the pictures, Sasha became very excited by the trailing yarn. And when I went to put it away, she couldn't contain herself. But she gave up in mid-reach:



Happy blessed May Day! Enjoy the rest of the wonderful weekend, and best for a lovely month of May!

Peace

My Lent project is almost done. At least for phase one. Phase two will involve going back and refining everything I've done--adding where adding feels necessary, elaborating, fine-tuning, researching if need be. That will take a lot longer than 40 days and 5 Sundays. However, as of tomorrow's postscript to the project, the main focus will be complete.

It's been interesting... wondering what I'll glean from it when I review the whole process and see where the path led.

The knitting is going slowly, but I've got the bottom border done. Now it's time to start the pattern. Yay! Gotta dig in.

In other news, singing has gone very well the last two nights. Da Ispravitsia on Thursday was humbling--but went well. It's such a beautiful piece, and I was so glad to be able to do it. I was surprised at how easily it came that night. I think Dave is right that having had a little wine beforehand as we ate our modrate Pesach type of meal helped me to not think so hard about it, which allowed me to relax more, which enabled the air to flow more freely and the high notes to soar... It was a meaningful performance for my favorite service of the year.

Last night was also amazing. The Schubert went very well, considering that this choir rehearses only once per week and had only the period of Lent (plus a couple of rehearsals before that) to prepare the whole 12 movement piece. Of course, five and a half of those movements are solo, duet, or trio, but I'm impressed with those singers even more because it's an energetic piece of music and takes a lot out of you! But it went very well. The oboe was beautiful, the pianists did a great job, and the choir made Dave very proud. Just as he made me very proud because of his choice of music, his easy manner with the choir that nevertheless encourages them all to do their best. Just nice.

Now, we head into Easter, and then next week is the Mercury Cafe jazz performance. And back to rehearsing Princess Ida. And knitting like mad, and working on phase two, and...

Feels good to be doing so much that is motivating. Helps with the rest. Loving it...

Peace

Well, maybe not so much yet, but I’ve realized just how right Judith and Gail were after my last posting…

I’m in withdrawal mode and intend to stay that way a bit longer. That’s what this time of year is for, and that’s what I intend to use it for. I’m coiling the spring, so to speak, and getting ready to let the turning of the Winter Solstice put me through my paces.

We still have Sa’rits, and it’s still very hard. But we’re finding more avenues through which to work, and have a potentially interested family. There’s a bit of a red flag, but we’ll give them an application and see how it works out. The good part is, they live in our neighborhood, so we’d be able to keep track of how things go.

I’ve realized that part of my downtime is my SAD hitting hard, and with the stress at the same time, that’s just deadly. I went back to the herbalist and got a refill of my tincture, and some pink rosebuds to put in my balance tea, and as long as I start remembering to bring it all to work with me, I’ll hit that regimen again to get myself back to some semblance of non-depression.

In the meantime, Dave and I are working on a few things together—his job, an idea, music, helping this dog, and getting our house clean so we can have company for the holidays. We have a dinner club now, meeting once a month, and we’re hosting the December gathering, at which Dave will cook. So we have to get everything cleaned up and presentable. Not to mention I would like to have a clean kitchen for making our turkey this year. And I’d love to have decorations out and looking pretty without all the clutter.

But of course I have to motivate myself for that. And motivation is hard to come by. I’m working on it, and hopefully the treatments I have now will help.

As another hope, I want to focus more on the idea of Advent this year, as I tried to focus on Lent earlier—even if for me it’s the Advent of Winter Solstice. I want to work through the process of recognizing the hole that needs to be filled, and finding the meaning that fills it. Recognize in the darkness the light that will return and the preparation needed to welcome it.

I’ve been empty for almost a full year now. Time to drink in and nourish and balance.

Peace

Yes, boys and girls, the amazing has happened yet again. 

There's one way I can think to phrase it: "Holy crappy, I'm learning to knit."


Woohoo!

Peace

We got Tika's ashes back on Tuesday evening. I can't believe how small the container is compared to my big loving doggie. Our bodies are so amazing--so little material goes into making such variety of living beings. And at the end, it is all the same substance. Everything is star stuff, born from the beginning of time. And we all return there...

Okay, I'm waxing sappy. Fact is, I'm struggling a bit with the thought that my baby is now ashes. But I'm working through it. And it's slowly easing. Rather slowly.

I got another major cry out of that evening. It was just too hard to hold her physical remains there in my hand and think that's all that's left. But the simple fact of it is, that's not her. That's just a little bit of the physical being of her that is left to continue feeding the cycle of life around us.

So, we've basically decided to bury the ashes near Basha. Another way to grow the garden of our memories through the real garden that will be planted there. We're leaving the option open to perhaps scatter some of the ashes somewhere meaningful to her or us... but really, Tika was a dog who loved her home and loved her family. She was a happy housedog. So having her ashes near home makes sense to me, as with Basha. And the plants that grow from her and Basha and that fill our yard with beauty and fragrance will be the life that bursts forth from death, renewing the story that doesn't end.

I have to admit my knee-jerk reaction was to want to put the ashes in an urn and keep them inside, even given everything I believe about the cycles, and the body being returned to the earth. But Dave reminded me of a truth about me--that having the physical reminder of her death would make it harder for me to let go, move forward, remember the life instead of the death. 

I do tend to brood and mope that way. I know that first response came out of the fact that I'm still unwilling to admit to myself that she's really gone. It's a completely understandable human reaction to loss, for our grief to sometimes make us cling more tightly than we normally believe is right. But I do believe in the cycle of life, and returning the body to the earth, and I know I can't hold onto her death. Her life was far more important.

The tears are lurking behind my eyes right now, and I know they will continue to, off and on, for a while yet. This is just such a painful process... But I got through all of yesterday without crying. It's time to really start holding the life that was in our wonderful companion, along with the memories.

I'm starting the video this weekend.

Peace