But I have two short term goals based a little on my list from my last post. And they're doozies, for short-term.

Goal #1: I'm participating in NaNoWriMo in the month of November. Yes,I have set myself the nutso goal of writing a 50,000-or-more-word novel over the course of the month of November. I even have an idea for it. The fun part? I've never written a novel before. In fact, the prospect terrifies me. But I'm already committed, so there. And to set that off properly, I'm going to post a quote someone let me know about. She found it on a Starbucks cup:

"The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life." -Anne Morriss, Starbucks customer from New York City

Goal #2: To help me achieve Goal #1, I'm immersing myself in the study of writing... yep, you guessed it, novels. For the month of October, I'm working on writing exercises, researching my idea for realistic touches (it's kind of an odd fantasy sort of thing), looking into how the heck I can write 50,000 words within one month and have them be coherent and, yes, perhaps somewhat interesting.

I'm excited and rather nervous all at the same time. So I guess that deserves a big, "Woohoo!"

Wish me luck...

Peace

Today, I'm 39 years old. I've lived through 39 years of a human span... approaching what is about the halfway point for many of my family.

And it's got me thinking.

Today, I did something that some might see as bad. Without having requested it in advance (I should have, as I intend to every year, but I always forget to), I asked for a day off from work today. My supervisor is in meetings, so he likely won't even get the request until mid-morning. However, having talked to others in my group, I don't see that it's a problem. I have lots to do, but none of it is urgent.

But there is something that's urgent for me personally in this day. Thing is, I'm starting my 40th year of life, and I think that's fairly momentous--don't you? It's the beginning of what some refer to as middle age (though, of course, that age range continues to creep up as life spans grow, but technically, it is the basic halfway point for most). Many people who reach this age and older go through what is referred to as a mid-life crisis, wondering if the direction they've taken in their lives is the right one. Wondering if there's more to it than just the daily grind.

And that's where I am. Which is funny. Typically, I'm a late bloomer. My friends tell me I look 30, as I'm here approaching 40. I won't complain about that, mind you, but then why did I have to reach my mid-life crisis early?

Well, perhaps it's because I have an incongruity in my thinking: see, on the one hand, I think that the daily grind is what makes us human. Our perseverance, our ability to--in the face of knowing, perhaps unlike other creatures, that we are going to die some day no matter what --continue to get up every morning and get through the day. Getting up to tend the farm isn't, after all, so different from getting up to go finish any other project. We, as humans, spend our lives pursuing life. That's all.

But the artist in me wants desperately to have more. I want to have time for sunsets and music and theater. I want to pursue beyond the typical human experience. And for the last 11 years of my life, I've tried to balance that with what I so often see as the humdrum. And I hate that the humdrum has to be involved. I want it out. I want to let go of that and have my life always be an adventure to pursue--an unending chain of fascinations.

The problem is the difficulty in pursuing. So many say that it's just a matter of choosing what you want and going after it. Well, that's true. But in the face of the need for health insurance (so I can cover the monthly medications I must have to breathe) and the mortgage and car payment, not to mention the smaller necessities--oh, like food--pursuit of the direction I truly want is a lot more difficult. It has to have benefits. It has to cover the bills. See? Humdrum! I can't just fly out the door and chase a star, no matter how much, lately especially, I want to.

Still, I'm a good little human. I get up in the morning, I go to work. I get my work done, I have my play time, and I sleep. And when it comes to breaking out? Well, I somehow have found the daily grind of that, too. And ultimately it's making me tired, and disillusioned, and, yes, angry at myself that I haven't taken leaps that I know I can't afford to take anyway--creating an endless cycle of what seems to be self-punishment. The question is, how do I end that cycle so that the new direction I take is worth it to me?

I'm sitting in the sunshine in my backyard, looking at my dog as she watches through the fence to see what's going on in other yards. And I feel that way, a bit. What yard can I get to that will hold my interest, that will fulfill me both as a human and as an artist? How many fences do I have to get beyond to get there? And can I jump high enough?

I'm in my 40th year. I have a life more or less half lived. And I have all of what's remaining to make it the life I want... if I can only find the way through to the other side.

The beginning? Well... in the day ahead, and the year to come, I will:
1) Write as close to daily as possible
2) Seek out and attend more auditions, both theatrical and musical
3) Finish the poetry project I started at Lent
4) Pursue serious vocal training
5) Look for a day job with people who are more friendly and caring to work with and for
6) Knit and exercise more for relaxation
7) Find ways to be a gentler, more caring, less judgmental human--even with those I don't get along with

A beginning of beginnings. At midlife. Here's to more beginnings to come, all the way through the end.

Peace and blesswings and successful pursuits to everyone on my birthday, September 29.

Jes' a reminder: It's officially the day t' yammer like a pirate! So git out there an' avast them landlubbers--and regale them wi' yer pirattitude!


Fer the part o' Mad Bess Flint, I be spendin' me eve this eve at Pirate-palooza. Arrr!

Pieces (o' eight)!

So what is it, then?

What is it that's polarizing people so much? Why are we reverting to tribalism in our politics? Lashing out at our fellow species and those who wish only to learn in our communities? Withdrawing into self-protection and survival of the fittest in the business world?

There's just such a level of unrest. It's in the people I work with (whether or not I get along with them). It's in the people in the stores, the people I perform with, the people I love...

What's going on that we're so disdainful of one another and everything around us?

I'm tempted to take the part of my Little Luddite friend, though I'm personally quite a technophile. However, she has a point that many who are hooked in to the internet think that's all they need to connect. They think they're connected to others, when all they are experiencing is a series of ones and zeroes. And binary is certainly complex, but not when compared to a human brain that has more potential neural connections than there are stars in the universe... grains of sand on the beaches of the world...

We need to connect more.

I've had an experience this week which I won't detail deeply but that has showed me just what can happen when a person has lost sight of what it means to be connected with people. Forgetting that those connections are more important than reputation, than the daily grind, than the determination of who is right and who is an idiot is part of why people are biting each others' digits off in town hall meetings--which are supposed to be forums where people gather to find common ground and work together toward a common goal.

This week, I've been bitten by a person who, yes, I wronged, if by accident. And yet when I went to apologize--simply to try to work things through and get to a better place in that relationship--I was brushed off as a malcontent who is trying to sabotage our whole team (with which I actually work very well, on the whole).

But why try to mend bridges when a person can always dismiss those who disagree and pull in someone else who shares the opinions one holds most dear? Why make the effort? There's not much about us anymore. It's lately very much about Number One. You can see it in those who cry Galt and demand personal liberty at the cost of all else.

Now, I'm a Constitutionalist (the U.S. Constitution, that is). I believe that personal liberty is amazingly important. But there's one thing we always need to keep in our eroding species memory: we never did any of it alone.

Tribes (not tribalism--that's different) are important. We can't just go on our merry way expecting to never be affected by or never affect anyone else. That's impossible. And our species would long ago have gone the way of the dinosaurs if we had decided each person must be an island and can't help or be helped by anyone else.

Capitalism is a great idea, in theory. Supremacy is not a great idea, but a prevalent one. Neither of them work. Socialism is our history.

It's all about connecting with each other. Being and working together. Caring about how the guy down the block does. Wondering if the old lady next door is okay. Opening up when a person says, "I don't like you, I don't like people, I can't stand what's happening around here and I don't want to be around it."

It's all about reaching in and saying, "But we're in this together. How can we work it out?"

I hope we find the way back.

Peace

Yes, I do think Sasha thought this was comfortable.



Hee hee giggle chuckle ROTFLMAO...

Pieces

To my wildlife preservation committed friends:

Please, boycott the state of Idaho, and let the state's tourism board know you and everyone you know will do so, until they take a responsible attitude toward the wolf population in their state.

http://www.defenders.org/newsroom/press_releases_folder/2009/08_17_2009_wolves_running_scared.php

Because Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar has removed Endangered Species Act protections from the American Gray Wolf, the state of Idaho is preparing to sell wolf hunting permits. The governor of Idaho has long been a vocal opponent of the reintroduction of wolves into the continental U.S., and now Idaho is planning to sell about 70,000 permits for hunters.

Now, there are only 1,000 wolves in the state. And that's bad enough, if you do the math. However, there are two more important points here. First, the management plans for Idaho are drawn up to allow only 150 wolves to remain in the state. That's not a viable population for survival.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17877715?ordinalpos=5&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DefaultReportPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum

As quoted by Suzanne Stone, Northern Rockies representative for Defenders of Wildlife, in the above article, "Idaho hosts the core of the Northern Rockies wolf population, with approximately 1,000 wolves. By wiping out 220 wolves, the state will cripple the regional wolf population by isolating wolves into disconnected subgroups incapable of genetic or ecological sustainability. It’s only a matter of time before Idaho’s state legislature enforces their demand that all wolves be removed ‘by whatever means necessary,’ which is still the state’s official policy on wolves."

But at 70,000 permits (and here's my second point), do you seriously think they'll stop at just 850 wolves killed? (Bad enough...) I fully expect there to be "mistakes" and "errors." The governor has openly stated he's against having any wolves in his state. He's fully prepared to decimate them.

Montana, too, has adopted an irresponsible maintenance program. These amazing animals have so much to give our ecosystems (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/07/090720134527.htm; or http://www.cnr.berkeley.edu/site/news_item_detail.php?id=67; there's more if you have time to look).

I hope you will help me support the protection of these wonderful animals. (While you're at it, maybe protest Alaska's aerial wolf hunts, too... cruel and unusual "wildlife control"... but, another story).



Peace and blessings

http://www.flickr.com/photos/eleisabelle/sets/72157621859754049/

That's where to look. The photos speak for themselves. It was really mostly getting ourselves oriented, finding out the areas around where we were staying that were good to see... so a lot of spontaneity. Especially for Dave, this day was rather magical!

Peace